“The latest fast-food concept is so absurdly simple, self-indulgent and reflective of one’s inner child that, well, how can it fail?”

That quote, from USA Today’s Jerry Shriver, appears on the Web site of Cereality, the national cereal bar chain that opened at 3631 Walnut St. in the fall of 2004.

Call the number, though (215-222-1162), and a prerecorded message informs you that the West Philly branch is no longer open for business.

But how could it fail?!

1. THEY SERVED NOTHING BUT CEREAL

2. See above

The Penn State location (the brand’s owned by Kahala Corp., which also owns Cold Stone Creamery) bid adieu this summer, too.

We will now have to delete the “Cereal” category in our restaurant database.

Thanks to crit Trey Popp for the tip.

Want to buy a book from Philly’s Latin Emeril? Want to hang with the man who just slammed a can of whoop-ass (a nicely laminated can touched by notes of chocolate and thyme) on Bobby Flay so to win Iron Chef America two weeks ago?

Just in time for National Spanish Heritage Month (September 15 to October 15) comes Chef Jose Garces‘ first cookbook, Latin Evolution, with a muoy special luncheon with Garces on Saturday, September 20, at 12 noon. For $85, you can can hang with Chef Garces at his Amada (217-219 Chestnut Street, 215-625-2450), and nosh on dishes prepared by Garces and included in the book. Plus, you’ll get a copy of Latin Evolution that he’ll sign before he hits you with that gorgeous can.

You’ll need a reservation. But check what you’ll get:

*Amada’s homemade sangria

*Ceviche de Salmon, ivory king salmon with mustard cream, mint and orange 

*Heirloom Tomato Gazpacho with cucumber salad and crispy yellow tomato chips

*Olive Oil Poached Halibut with chorizo croquettes and saffron emulsion

*Madre e Hijo, sous vide truffled hen breast with fried egg, rosemary fingerling potatoes and truffled chicken jus;  *Ceviche de Alcachofas, confit artichoke with smoked marcona almond powder; 

*Crema Catalana, vanilla custard with frozen strawberry gelee, sangria reduction, almond and cocoa nib praline, canella sticks and Grand Marnier whipped cream.

*the book

Do this, dummy

Hi, folks. So I’m still technically on vacation, but I just couldn’t stay away any longer. (Check back later this week for my full report on all the eating and drinking I did out here in Portland, Oregon.)

You might remember the springtime uberdrama surrounding the head chef position at Jason and Delphine Evenchik’s Time. Now comes word of a new face behind the line: Josh McCullough, an old coworker of Jason’s from his days at Le Bec-Fin.

McCullough, who’s been running the ship for about a month now, left LBF to open Gayle with Daniel Stern and later landed at Blackfish out in Conshy. He most recently ran a Main Line-based private chef service called Five Star Gourmet.

Former Time chef Keith Murphy, who originated at the Evenchiks’ Vintage, is relocating to New Hampshire, says Jason.

The new menu isn’t on Time’s Web site just yet, but you can check it out after the jump.

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Kehoe circa 2000

Jessica Gryphon

At a DNC event tonight called “A Taste of America’s Cities”  hosted by Democratic mayors, Yards Philadelphia Pale Ale will be repping Philadelphia with the usual suspects: soft pretzels and cheesesteaks.

Word on the street is that Mayor Nutter’s office contacted Yards’ Tom Kehoe to provide the only Philly beverage at the event.

But really, soft pretzels and cheesesteaks? Couldn’t we have maybe, I don’t know, sent our IRON CHEF?

Drew Lazor is on vacation, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the hotness/hotmess food news.

Because there are things you should know:

Liz Begosh of Betty’s Tasty Buttons is anticipating a mid-September opening for Betty’s Speakeasy (2241 Grays Ferry Ave.), a combo shop/farm table/CSA drop-off down the street from Grace Tavern. All Begosh’s confections will be available for retail purchase, but
we’re most excited about her plan to serve nightly local-focus dinners
for groups of six to 12 using ingredients from West Chester’s Highland
Orchards. Get the hell in there before it becomes the hottest
reservation in the universe a la Talula’s Table.

1225 RAW Sushi & Sake Lounge, which rolled out an 80-seat courtyard
in June and a bento box-y lunch café in Boyd’s in early July, is
growing again, with SumoLounge, a new feature slated for 1225 Sansom St.
(215-238-1903). GM Jesse Lee says it’ll be an “upscale, bottle service
type of lounge” on the Chestnut Street side of the property. There’ll
be light food and plush adornments. The addition should be open to the
public by the end of 2008.

The Bayou’s Joe Abruzzo says Wed., Aug. 27 is the day for Cactus Bar and Restaurant, a 75-seat Southwestern spot nearing completion at 4243 Main Street in Manayunk.

The interior, which is done up with exposed brick and restored hardwood floors, features three levels. Downstairs has dinner and banquette seating and a 30-foot, 23-stool granite bar; up the steps, there’s balcony dinner seating and a third-floor area for private parties.

Around 60 tequilas behind the bar, with margarita and house cocktail lists.

Abruzzo’s chef partner, Joe Jowett, is doing trusty Mexi standards (nachos, fajitas, quesadillas) with some Tex-Mex twists (pulled pork with sweet mashed carrots, barbecue shrimp with spicy butter in a white wine sauce). They’ll serve food until 2 a.m. Check out the full menu here.

The Unusual Times, the plucky lifestyle arm of our favorite gin distiller, is giving away a theremin prize pack.

In our never ending appreciation for all things unusual, we are proud to announce that TheUnusualTimes.net is giving away a Moog™ Etherwave® Theremin exploration kit, which includes everything you need to play the unusualist of
instruments. Invented by Léon Theremin in 1919, the Theremin allows the
player to control two radio frequency oscillators via hand position
around two antennae. One of the oscillators controls frequency, and the
other volume. The electrical signals of the instrument are amplified
through an amplifier.

Drawing is Sept. 10.

This is what came up on our stock photo service when we tried to find an image of Léon Theremin’s masterwork:

Instead, follow the jump for a video of Keller Williams theremin-izing in San Francisco.

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Photo | Drew Lazor

Privé (246 Market St.), the 150-seat Mediterranean tapas restaurant from cousins Nick and Billy Lavdas and chef Peter Karapanagiotis, is set to open on or around Monday, Aug. 25. (We first mentioned it here.)

Details, a menu preview and more photos after the jump.

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Marty Grims says that the second location of his Du Jour Gourmet Market, on the ground floor of the Symphony House at Broad and Pine, will almost definitely open this Friday., Aug. 22. (The original’s in Haverford.)

Follow the jump to download the breakfast and dinner menus. (They’re also doing lunch.)

What are we most intrigued by? Dinner menu, small plates column: FOIE GRAS PB&J — foie gras mousse served on toasted brioche with huckleberry jam and plum ginger caramel.

Foie is back, kids!

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Food Network

“You come from the City of Brotherly Love. SO WILL YOU BE READY FOR THE HOSTILITY OF KITCHEN STADIUM?“

So went the splendidly silly introductory warning from Iron Chef America’s Chairman on last night’s all-new episode. (Why does no one ever talk about how he’s the dude from Only the Strong?) He was addressing none other than our very own Jose Garces, who met Bobby Flay head to head in a Kitchen Stadium battle (secret ingredient: melon) with a frigid twist: Each course had to feature a frozen element.

Recap and thoughts after the jump.

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We first told you about David Katz’s upcoming Mémé (and its killer Ralph Steadman logo) here and here.

Now, we have even more info to share. Jump please.

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